No More Perfect, Pleasant Or Predictable And Into The Wild, Undomesticated Darkness Of My Soul

A Jewel Found In The Darkness Of Her Soul

She was all that everyone expects of a woman.
She was a lady, not a mistress.
She was respectful and she was respected,
She was a role model for society,
She lived a perfect life,
She had the perfect husband,
She had the perfect kids,
She was the best at her yoga class,
She always had beautiful clothes and very good taste.
She had her standards well defined!
She even had a part-time job at a local charity,
She was so educated,
She was so generous towards her family and friends,
Occasionally she would spend time learning something new,
Like painting with watercolors, playing music in the family’s piano or knitting a scarf using a difficult stitch.
She was impressive but not easily impressed.
She had her standards so well defined!
She cooked very well,
She had everything clean at home,
She was always so pleasant,
Never confused, never confusing.
She was so predictable, so consistent,
Day after day,
Week after week,
Month after month,
Year after year.
Every time she was made aware of deviations in her perfect world, she was fast and precise on how to correct them.
Her standards were indeed very well defined!
She was in control,
She was aware of everything about everyone around her,
She was powerful and utterly unhappy, but she was all that everyone expects of a woman.
She was a lady, not a mistress.
But then there was a mistress, and then another one, and then the one that she could blame for her unhappiness.
He left home,
Her kids were older and independent.
Her standards were of no use anymore.
She lost her purpose in life,
She didn’t know how to reinvent herself.
She didn’t want anyone to know that her life was falling apart.
She realised she has no friends after all.
She didn’t understand how life played a trick on her.
Her happiness was completely dependent on others and not on herself.
After everything she did for everyone, she was abandoned.
There had to be something she could do to take back control!
She tried,
She tried harder,
She tried even harder, and all she got was the opposite effect of what she desired.
More and more isolation, loneliness, sadness.
She had no valid standards anymore!
She had to change,
She didn’t know how,
She was so lost and scared.
She hurt others to get their attention back… it didn’t work,
She hurt herself to get their attention back… it didn’t work,
She decided to free herself from her standards!
She cried, she almost died.
Then she started to connect with other women in a similar path.
She found her own truth, her inner knowing,
She healed her body, her mind, her soul.
She forgot about standards and started living the present moment!
She remembered that she is wild,
She forgot about perfection, and she became a role model for her community.
She started to live her own life, not the life of others,
She became more unpredictable, less domesticated.
She let go of attachment and co-dependency,
She started to love herself,
She was now able to love others as well.
She doesn’t care if she is what everyone expects of a woman.
She is not afraid of the dark anymore, because it was in the darkness of her soul that she found herself,
And she will never be lost again.